Monday, October 16, 2006

Learning something new every day

Warning: I'm warning you that the subject matter today is "adult". I'm trying to explain what happened in a family friendly manner, but .... well.....if you are easily offended, stop reading now.
One morning half an hour before students were supposed to be in the hallways, I was coming down the stairs from a meeting, when I saw a group of boys in the hall outside the restroom. Actually, more like a mob. And it was the Girls' Restroom.
A crowd of 50 or 60 boys outside a girls' restroom can not mean anything good.
As I continued down the stairs, I realized that two or three boys at a time were going into the girls' restroom.
I flew down the remaining stairs, hustled the boys out of the girls' restroom, and then looked down at the floor.
That's when I saw it.
Oh. My. Word.
I literally had to look twice to be sure I was not imagining things.
There on the floor was a life-size replica of.....(ahem).....a male body part.
Skin colored.
Detailed.
All the details.
I mean, it looked as if someone had been bobbitized.
Except there was no blood.
And it had a strap attached.
So there I stood.
Looking at an unmentionable object.
I couldn't leave it there.
I needed an administrator, but none of the kids would leave--I guess they were hoping I would leave, so they could take another look.
I didn't have on a jacket.
Didn't have a bag.
Nothing in my hands except my daily planner.
No pockets even.
As if that object would have fitted into a pocket.
Not even any paper towels, because high school students think it is funny to plug up the facilities with paper towels.
So.......
After some thought, and meanwhile shooing out curious students while telling them that the restroom was out of order.....
I reeled off enough tissue paper to cover up the object, so I could carry it to the administrator's office.
Here I am, with this thing wrapped in tissue paper (it was even weighted, so it actually felt as if I were carrying a body part down the hall), and I have to walk through that mob of boys, down two hallways, around a corner, and two more doors to the office.
I walked in, and put the thing down on the secretary's desk, at which time the tissue paper wafted away from it, and I thought the secretary was going to have a stroke. She started hyperventilating.
We radioed for an administrator.

A couple of mornings later, at about the same time of the morning, someone threw one into the library.
This one was Barney purple. Less detailed. And minus the strap.

That afternoon, one turned up in a boys' restroom.

What the culprits seemed to have forgotten was the security cameras on all floors.
Four people were identified as being involved in the three incidents.
They will be pursuing their education at another institution this year.

I don't know where they got these objects. I don't know where the objects had been. And I really don't want to think about what possible purpose anyone could have for one.

But I have to admit......
teaching is an education for me, as well as, or perhaps more so than for my students.

I just hope next time the subject is
a) more useful
and
b) less disgusting.

9 comments:

Kelli in the Mirror said...

What grade do you teach?

Susan said...

Oh my God! I can't imagine this happening in a school!

Antique Mommy said...

This confirms my theory that teachers are underpaid. Surely handling that "thing" qualifies as hazzard duty. Additionally just that some kid had access to "it" and brought it to school makes me very very sad.

Chilihead2 said...

Yes, yes, the horror! And yet, I cannot catch my breath b/c I'm laughing so hard! Here's to days without, er, toys.

Shalee said...

Okay, that has to be one of THE most hilarious stories I've heard. I think I would have been crying so hard from all the laughing I would have been doing.

However, I have to agree with AM. So sad that the kids knew where to get one. There's probably some very lonely, sad woman out there now wondering where her replica is...

HolyMama! said...

i had the privilege of hearing this 'live' of course, but i didn't realize there were suspensions in order! Whoah! perfectly reasonable, of course. hopefully your um... professional duties... will require no more of your .... organ transportation services...

hee hee

here's to teachers!!

Jeana said...

I laugh every time I hear this.

Katherine@Raising Five said...

I got to hear this live from Jeana. It is hilarious even second-hand! Were the offenders surprised at their forced change of venue or did they just think it was a funny practical joke?

I am SO BUMMED I missed you Saturday night! I was hung up at a tournament most of the day so all I could do was the dinner (very fun, by the way). Oh well, next time! (Next time I hope it's far enough away I get to leave town and stay at a hotel!).

lrlwreath said...

What if I said I am new to your blog and this is one of the first posts I read??

I LAUGHED SO HARD i COULD NOT CATCH MY BREATH!!!!

I think I am going to snoop around some more =)