"Educational" Conversations

Student: Dr. E, am I passing your class?
Me (I'm the teacher): No, you are not
Student: How come?
Me: Out of ten assignments, you have three zeros, because you never finished the work.
Student: Yeah, but I passed everything else.
Me: Yes, you did, but with three zeros, you would have to make one hundred on the other seven to pass.
Student: Yeah, miss, but on the other seven, I had an average of 70, and that's passing.
Me: (Sigh) Who taught you math?

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Student's Parent: I just want to know why you told my boy he is goin to flunk English.
Me: Mrs. Smith, the highest grade Johnny has for any of the 5 six week periods so far is 50.
Parent: But that don't mean he is goin to fail *this* six weeks.
Me: That's true. Anything is possible. He might pass this six weeks (saying to myself, when pigs fly).
Parent: I jes don't thank you ought to discourage him like that.
Me: I didn't mean to discourage him. He asked me if he was passing, and I told him no.
Parent: You got no right to put him down like that. He has jus as much chance of passin as anybody else.
Me: But, Mrs. Smith, even if he passed for the last six weeks, he still couldn't pass for the year. He has 5 grades of 50 or lower.
Parent: How do you know?
Me: I have his report card records.
Parent: No, how do you know he is going to fail.
Me: Well, with 5 grades of 50, it is not possible to make a high enough grade in the sixth six weeks to pass for the year.
Parent: How do you know?
Me: (long explanation of how grades are averaged, what he would have to make to pass for the year, blah blah blah, which is all the parent heard)
Parent: But how do you know he can't pass?

This conversation was repeated with slight variations for over 15 minutes.
I finally took her to see the principal, to see if *he* could explain it, since obviously I couldn't.

I may not be a math whiz (understatement) but even I can conprehend that this kid's English class performance is better than the parent's math skills.